I'm over with STPM. Time spent with her was well, character building?

It's hard to say it was fun, and the relationship beautiful. But truth is I did enjoy myself amidst the pain and suffering STPM brought along with her.

STPM is beautiful in many ways. She is a vast world to explore. And just when you thought you got to know her, you realize there was so much more. She has many traits that are hidden. Those traits, if you do not put much effort to learn, you will regret on the day of judgment (exams).

Love is painful isn't it? I know the hand of God was there in allowing me to know STPM. In knowing STPM I know God more, and further more know the meaning of dependence.

Yet, I question the length I've gone to be faithful to her. STPM isn't very attractive, but studying is fun. I haven't cherished her to the extend that is required of me. I admit I'm afraid to face the judgment of my Heavenly Father. How would I explain my neglect in giving attention to her? Facing him is fine, as I know his endless mercies. But a loving Father punishes. That can be difficult to face. God, I do hope you will be merciful on me in that area.

And so, to close another chapter of my life, I pray "Lord Jesus, have mercy on me a sinner. Transform me Lord, for you glory"

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On a lighter note, I have just return from dinner with friends celebrating freedom from exams. It was great fun. I wonder how can one live without friends. It is very much impossible. Friends do have an effect in defining who you are and what you might be.

Ramblings
A good God with free will is a bad idea, at least it seems so. Simple reason being man is bad.
Further contemplation on the question of whether man was made perfect or imperfect seems to only complicate matters. Even the church fathers have no perfect answer.

I've almost given up thinking. If you can rationalize God, you don't need God.
Yet this is not a good sign as one might think, for I am neither going to romanticize Christianity (pursue the "being in love with Jesus" thing). Sounds like I've decided to take a break on being a "good Christian".

On another note, I hear so much about "being" and not "doing". I don't see the logic in it and I definitely don't feel it. It's illogical as all doing comes from being, how does one be without the doing? (Ignore this if you feel it's too "intellectual". Comment if you discover any contradictions or inconsistencies). So, there is a little reason or motivation for almost anything now.

Isn't the basic desire of every man to be happy? And if we pursue such, we are labeled hedonist. If we pursue the opposite, we are buddhist. Another thought (seems I haven't given up thinking) would be buddhist contradict themselves. They believe that one should purge oneself of all desire to reach nirvana, yet the desire to purge oneself of all desire is a desire in itself. What nonsense!

Mysteries and possible contradictions in Evangelical Christianity
(on the things we are thought at church)
1. As I have mention earlier, I have heard so much about being and not doing. Or being then doing. It sounds illogical as all doing comes from being and if one is not how does one be, other than by attempting to do?

2. What justice/grace is there in putting the tree of the knowledge of good and evil the garden, forbidding man to eat it, and giving him free will to do so? Why?

3. When did the apostles ever mumbled/spoke incomprehensible sounds during prayers (in reference to the current culture of muttering sounds in spirit-filled prayer)? Was not it different actual languages?

4. The "run after Jesus" phenomenon. Run where? Use your mind and imagine you were in a bollywood film running after Jesus?

5. The "come to church for Jesus, not your friends" and "don't care what your friends think about you" message. I've come to believe church IS friends, a community. Tell me if you think I'm wrong.

6. The entire personhood of Christ is grace. What about vengeful angry justice? Have we decided to close our eyes to that? Jesus isn't lamb chop.

7.  Lastly, the scandal of the church in history. This is one heck of a mystery, how God has allowed it.

Things I don't really like about God
1. The fact that He put the tree in the garden of Eden. And free will along with that.

2. That "His thoughts are higher than ours". Therefore we can never fully understand Him. Almost like a husband never understanding his wife. Is the imperfection of human relationship suppose to be reflected in a divine one?

3. That He sounds like me when I tell my mum to "trust me". He does that all the time. Read Job. He dedicates 2 WHOLE chapters to 'trust me' in answering Job's questions on why.


Few facts that keep me holding on
1. There isn't anyone else I dare trust that much. Not myself, I've screwed up with free will enough already.

2. That I am not happy with any other alternatives. Eastern religion is illogical, atheism is self trust which I dare not, hedonism is painful (ironically), materialism doesn't last, humanism is too relative and uncompassionate, feminism is homosexual and marxism is bullshit cause man is curse with free will thus never will be fair.

 

What then does it take to make a man truly happy? 

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And now, for an actual update on what's going on. 

That was the intellectual update. Now, for the less intellectual one.

Prom is over. Relieved. I'll update pictures when/if I get them. I'm working now. Work's fun. Tiring but better than doing nothing. I think in 3 weeks I've attended 2 weddings, 6 or more company dinners, an accounting seminar related to the new budget and some concerts. Not bad for a post-stpm job right?

I'll be off work on the 31st of December to the 2nd of January. Give me a call if you wanna hang out. I promise you I won't bombard you with my thinking (smiles) unless you want too.

To a happy new year! 

Happy New Year Everyone!

I had a fun time hanging out this year. Missed the fireworks action though. Was at gurney plaza's car park and could only see the reflection of it. I was hoping to see some fights or people drunk and beating up policemen (love the thrill of danger), but the crowd was sane this year.

So, 2007 has been one hell of a year. I'm looking forward to 2008 being less of a challenge.