Have u ever woke up one day, just so discourage - like u've lost hope on everything you dreamed for, all that passion that was burning dead?

Well, honestly... I faced that so often.

1. The world tells me life is best when you HAVE. They say it's best when you got all the money, girls and power. Laughing? Well, I'll be suprise to find someone in urban society who would give me a blank stare at that statement. It's just too blatant. The battle in my mind revolves around this areas - which is better God? the World? I know it's God, but I am in the middle. So many times, I put God off and passion turns to HAVING things of the world.

But, the truth is, that is SELFISH. We use familiar statements like "I want", "They hurt me", "I am wronged". I use those so much. Ya, the statements are facts.. I have been hurt and wronged so many times. I ask God, and he answers me "SO? (juz like ian does..hehe) I realise i've been living for myself.. so much to an extend that I become the CENTRE of the world, and God is at some side... God wants us to make HIM the centre of the world, the centre of our hearts. When we truly live for God, we don't bother and worry about injustice againts us, we live for true justice for others.

"We make God the centre of the (not our, but the) world, GOD MAKES US THE CENTRE OF HIS HEART"

2. So NOT HAVING seems better. When we do not have we get the source of all life, God. We get everything.

"Those who keep their life loose it, those who loose it, expereince true life to the fullest and keep it" Jesus

Even in studies, the choices i make, decisions of what should I do aft f5 etc. everything must be turn to God.

"If I am not Lord of ALL I am not Lord at all" God

Life is tough... it gets into the basic of surrendering my all. I have not reach it. I want to be a Man aft God's own heart, but many times i look back at the world... and I fall...

THe song "so i look to u" speaks to me so much... i wish my focus will never sidetrack from wat is best wat is good....

"When I look at the stars, I see someone else"

Get my mind of me - study! for God... that would be much more inspiring...

just rambling.... I'm tired... I'm uninspired, demotivated?

pulling holding gripping

on the thin small rope

of hope....

wat is hope than man cannot live without it?

I'm facing a trial in my life.... it';s horrible, its deadly... it's my spm trial...
The dificult part is overm all paper2 are done with. I just realise I've so much more to study if I were to ahieve my dream of beating my cousins........ I really do have to work hard - regretted my lazyness during f4, i was warned but...hehe... i was deaf....

REbbEllion - Prefects
Those two words fit so perfectly in my school, Jsut today, lower 6 and upper 6 prefects quit the board in anger with teachers, 'cause they held on to the dying tradtions of prefect board in pfs.... pure freakin rebbellion, it wouldnt be wrong to say i was pissed with their freakin stupid imaature actions... "strike" coz the teacher wanted some changes which were good for the school.... i guess ppl there juz dun noe wat they are doing....

i do wish i could impact my school, ive heard so much stories of ppl making differece in college, school... from as young as 12,13 to late teens.... my mistake, my past.... the thigns i did last time has really prevented me from being a youth with a differece, and heard the ear and attention of my peers... i fear to be ridiculed at times.. a secret fear that broods in me.. pride...

BUT, the good news is... God has been working on, me... breaking me... challenging my pride... touching the sentivies areas of my life that coz anger... ive been so worked on...haha.... but God is good...

Youth was great...

1. The worship team - you played so well, honestly... practice was ok, but the nite service was good....

2. Ps. TT. Quah's msg - i can still recall what he spoke last time. Really great msg. I like him being real, not faking... I like his heart and convictions and the way he sees potential in other people... I also like his heart for others. Really a great guy who caught the "gig" God had for his life.

The msg answered my question in my earlier entry bout my desire to impact lifes in my school, but i did not know how... know i'm beggining to see that the basics work again... servanthood...

Youth....

Ya, so Eunice Ooi spoke bout her trip to China...

I do want to go for missions. But maybe not because I want to learn to be grateful... But i really want to EXPERIENCE and FEEL first hand THE HEART of GOD....

I really to want to get the focus of me... so, ill know what true living is about, beyond me and my selfish wants....

I did pray once. And yeah, God is already starting to provide money... Im truly blessed - this is a testimony of God's faithfulness...

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I'm excited bout what God will do in Penang soon...
I"m just waiting to see and be part of it...

I'm excited bout FGA, and where it is heading - i get info of church direction and vision earlier, im happy to know God's hand is on FGA.

I realised the closer to SPM, the more i blog... I've been thinking so much. I'm just excited today!!!

I watched star of persia, read past emails concerning mac 11, reminiscence bout meetings with other youth leaders which I admit i was so afraid to speak, coz i was the youngest, youth camps, encounter, the homecoming of the 2nd encounter, the time at the beach i spent with james, talking bout future with my f5 friends, and listening to all their passion bout God, hearing my own family esp. cousin all serving God faithfully, excited bout him, seeing my life change in school a few years back - when umm.. my mouth wasnt too clean..hehe... seeing my piano exams pass... when i din s\deserve it...haha... God's provision, my vocal lessons, piano lessons, mission trip fund... !! crazy!, those were God moments... and i can even forget them...

i want to expereince.. God, till its convicted so deep in my heart! that my eyes fail to hold back tears whenever i sing of his goodness...
thats worship i guess....

sneak preview
deeper: the theme of this years camp... i luv it!!

Currently listening to: Deeper